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Another Heart Does Ache


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With great care did I collect all the pearls of my dreams; with great aspirations did I polish them bright. Each breath of his made me alive. His happiness was the reason I lived. For years did I live for one reason… and then I was gone.

His innocent smile still rejuvenates my heart. His tears… well, they do moisten my heart but somewhere deep inside they foster a sense of relief… A relief that he is still my own. Oh time! You are way too cruel. You walk at your own pace. Traitor! You did rush around when he was here… didn’t you? And now when he is gone, you don’t seem to move at all! There was a time when I was happy running around the whole day… remember? And now my life has been so stagnant that it is eating me up.

“What do you do all day? Once dad has gone off to work, you stick to the TV… don’t you?”

Yes, my dear, I did stick to the TV all day. And magically does the havoc that you create each morning does restore back to peace. And the food that you demand – claiming full right – each day after you come back; that food is magically prepared by angels, right? Stupid! And why should I explain this to you now? Now you know it better. How long does it take to wash the clothes dear?

But… you know… in a sense you are right for my current situation. There is no one who creates havoc in the house each day. The sofa covers remain unwrinkled for ages. The same food is eaten for days. There is no one to scream to for not having lunch in time. Basically there is nothing to do.

So you know what do I do? I remain in illusion each day. After your dad leaves for the day, I imagine that you too have left for school. I wait for you. Each day, the clock ticks 2:30, I go out to see you coming; chatting with your friends. The school bus leaves, many children come back laughing and giggling. But you are not among them. Then I calculate the number of days left for your arrival. Unfortunately they are not days… they are months… sometimes a whole year. Well at least they say it so. For me, it seems to be ages. All blames on the bloody time. It doesn’t move at all. And then I sit back and cry sometimes… well most of the times. And then rush up and down the house doing nothing. Like a ghost in a haunted house.

And then in the evening when your dad comes back from work, we ask each other if you called. Mostly you don’t. “He must have been busy”. Then we again talk about you. What else can we talk about? I don’t understand his work. Then we mutually decide on a time to call you, or wait for your call. “He might have just returned.” “He might be sleeping.” “Today is Monday, he has a busy schedule on Mondays.” “Don’t call now! He might be in the canteen.”

And then, suddenly the phone rings. And then for a few minutes do we live. We live our whole day in a few minutes. And thus does rejoice our hearts. We laugh at your jokes, smile at your memories, cry at your loss and scold you for you nuisances. And hence thoughts, and thoughts alone do remain and hence ends our day; probably an era of living without you.

I know you have gone to reach the stars, to fulfill your dreams. But what can one do when the reason to live has gone away? One goes along with him. So here am I living a dual identity. Well… single to be precise… The only identity I have is with you. When your wounds bleed, so does my heart. When you cry, another heart does ache.

Guest Post: And Fly Away To Touch The Sky!!


Please put your hands together to welcome one of my very special friends and the guest of the morning (or evening or any other time of the day :P) Neeli. I am really humbled that she agreed to write on the prompt I gave her. It is nothing but the magic of words which can transform a very ordinary looking phrase into a heart touching story. And this post truly vindicates the fact. I am honoured to have her as a guest.

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 “I’m not good in studies, I’m not good looking, I don’t have good friends, I cannot talk to anyone like my friends, ‘m not updated about world and technologies, people are more intelligent than me, nobody likes me, every single guy is ready to become boyfriend when I get a little friendly with him, my friends ask me to come out of self-confinement, I’m not good in making contacts with others, I have no confidence to talk to anyone…”, as she poured her heart out in one phone call, her elder sister could only listen in amazement. Not that her sister was unaware of her condition; she had already spoken and consoled this lil kid, but that day… patience had reached its limit and everything spilled out in front of her. Her sister was ashamed; she was dejected with her own self. Why couldn’t she speak to her own blood all these days? Busy consoling her own friends and others, how she forgot her own sister? Who was at fault? How could she ignore her own sister and leave her all alone?

While I’m struggling to find suitable words to define that beautiful soul, she must be in her sleep, wandering in her dream world! A girl with a cute smile, those beautiful eyes bearing the burden of half frame specs since quite some time, that mesmerizing voice, which barely reached its high pitch. A mind which is always indulged in chemical thought process!! She’s not the only child of her parents; she bears the wrath and love of her elder sister and manages to handle the naughtiness of a younger brother!! Her parents never discriminated between any of their children. Equality in terms of everything was given to all three of them. But a girl, who was a chatterbox during her childhood, turned into a silent girl with growing age. The most beautiful and pretty among all three kids, she grew with grace. As this silent girl grew up silently, nobody realized when she became a refined girl. For her family she was still that pretty little girl, with two ponies and kajal (kohl) in her beautiful eyes happily going to school. She is a very good cook who keeps experimenting new stuffs at home, possesses good drawing skills, has beautiful soft voice and looks great when you shower your love and pull her chubby cheeks. And when you find her doing something unusual and point it out… she’ll blush… and believe me that makes her look even more amazing!

It is said that only daughters can understand their parents and help them when it is not even anticipated from them. And she was not an exception. She helped her father financially when her elder sister was due for her MBA admission in a prestigious and expensive college. The university and course fees was too much for her father to pay at a stretch and that too at the moment when both of his daughters were supposed to go for their higher education. She was in a dilemma for her career options and when she finalized a course, she made all efforts come true to get admission in country’s most prestigious central university where the annual course fee was less than her sister’s three month’s pocket money. While her sister went off to pursue her career to a different city, she stayed in the prestigious university in her hometown.

Wheels of time turned and history repeated itself. This time it was her brother and she, who were supposed to go for their higher studies at the same time. As her brother went down to southern part of country, she was left alone with her mother… but this time the scenario was little different, her friends too had left the place and university and settled outside for higher education.

Loneliness started consuming her. She had no friends around to share her emotions; no one that she could look up to. And slowly loneliness turned into frustration. Witnessing her friends and own siblings going out and excelling were disturbing for her. And adding fuel to fire was her friends coming home during vacation and evoking anger and frustration in her with hollow descriptions of their life style and achievements outside. It worked like a slow poison for her and she started reacting to it in front of her parents by blaming them for not sending her out for studies and confining her in their shelter. The girl, who rarely used to get angry, started reacting to every single stuff. Hard times at both fronts- personal and career, made her go crazy, but she still kept her head above water. Every time she made efforts to move out or she spoke about it to her parents, something or other ruined her plans and she was left to cry alone. She wanted to go out and see world like her siblings and so-called friends. She craved to travel alone like her siblings and friends with confidence, to become demanded among friends, to be talk of the town in positive sense, to walk the ramp of life with full confidence, knowledge and grace. Declining self-confidence, lack of self-motivation, self-comparison with every tom-dick and harry and jealously started occupying her mind and body.

This true story is about my lil sister- T; who helped my dad in her own ways so that he can spend on my and my brother’s education. I’m obliged to her in every sense. She’s the best sister we could ever have. This little silent girl has many stories in her heart to which she doesn’t breathe a word to us. She keeps taking whatever life throws at her. I sometimes feel bad that she could not manage to go out for her studies or any other stuff. Blame it her destiny or my parents… it never happened. Yes, I do understand and try making T understand as well that just by going out for studies doesn’t make any big difference when you are getting best of education in your own city. But still… kids are kids. She wants to go out, witness new stuffs, people, explore life, learn new things, meet lots of people, be confident, present herself to world, shoo away stage fear, make good contacts… but somehow she’s failing to do all these.

touch_the_sky___jump_48_of_100_by_escaped_emotions-d4kpt62I tried my level best to listen her that day, consoled her but all in vain; she was totally disappointed, demotivated, no argument of mine helped heal her injured heart. I must say that she’s brave enough to tolerate this aloofness all these days. It’s time for her now to come out of her gloominess and see the life with new spectacles. She has to… and I’ve promised her as well as to myself that very soon she will be again that lovely, charming, confident girl once she used to be… I want my baby to grow and be bold… She already is, in her own way. She behaves very maturely in cases where I behave childish.

Anybody can fall in love with her. She’s the most beautiful and pretty among three of us… beautiful by personality, beautiful by heart! I really wish her to touch heights of success, to be very strong and successful in all spheres of life, to achieve whatever she wants to… I love both my kids T & D whom my parents have given me and I really want them to fly away to touch the sky…

May god bless them…

Love you T, D, Maa & Papa…

Neeli….

Will you rock my cradle O Mother…


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When eyes are brimming with tears

But there isn’t a tear to shed

When emotions are locked in heart

But are too difficult to be read

When I seem unaffected, detached from pain

Sometimes even stone-hearted, uncaring instead

Will you rock my cradle O Mother!

As I sleep in your loving bed?

Because you and you alone do know that

Emotions strong can hardly be expressed

 

If separations increase far too much

And far away do I go in race

When I am too far for you to reach

And rarely do we meet face to face

When I am panting; thirsty for love

Heart seems deserted and seeks solace

Will you rock my cradle O Mother!

As I sleep in your arms’ embrace?

Because your love is the only way to know

The path right, when there is no other trace

 

When at the end of the journey I fly

Tired of the long intense flight

When sun bids adieu to the day

Submerges the last ray of light

When my tired body aches

Of all the strife and the intense fight

Will you rock my cradle O Mother!

As I sleep through the endless night?

Will you take me to the greater world

Where endless is the joy and there is no fright?

I still follow you


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This is another poem with two authors…
The first part is by my friend themuulticoloredarc and the second part is added (as a response) by me…

We were walking on a road,
Hand in hand,
You didn’t seem your usual self,
Out of blue, you decide to race,
Not with me, with the world,
All I wanted was to be with you….

So I started following you,
Not because I could’t lead,
Coz I trusted you with the right path,
Knew that at times you would fall,
But I would be there to help you walk…

But I began to lag behind,
And you didn’t care to stop,
The distance grew,
And I had to shout to tell you how much I love you…
But you got into a stride,
And my feelings were unheard…

But I still follow you,
You think you don’t need me,
I know you more,
If only you would turn around,
Ohh, I can fix myself,
It’s the love I won’t be able to fix…

A day will come when you won’t be able to find me,
Not coz I won’t be there,
It’s you who won’t be able to recognize me,
blinded by your pride…

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I stand alone on a mysterious land
Yelling for help, your supporting hand
The world seems unknown, a bit too grand
The wind is too strong for me to withstand

I feel strange, powerless, shattered and weak
Your caring touch; the words of love, is all that I seek
But loneliness and seclusion seem to be dense
It is only now that I realise my offense

Oh I was mad, too lifeless to feel
That you would be lost in this time of ordeal
I was too sure that I would stand tall
But never could I perceive this disastrous fall

I was too selfish to race up the track
Too cruel and brutal, not to look back
The glare of success made me blind
And slowly I forgot, that you lagged behind

Indeed the track was of success and glory
But that is not the complete story
Not a moment of joy or glory is worthwhile
If success is not celebrated, and unnoticed goes a smile

So I turn back and follow my trail
With a hope in heart that will never fail
That you would be waiting for me on the track
And sooner than later, I would come back…

What is it that you call love?


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O Friend!

What is Emotion? What is Pain?
The Love, which you seemingly seek day and night,
O Companion! What is it that you call love?
Is it but only full of sufferings?
Is it but only tears of sorrow?
Is it nothing but ocean of grief?

Then why is it, may I know
People in joy, aspire for such a pain?

For me, all are joyous
All brand new, all pure and clean
The blue sky, the green forest
Joys and and sorrows, the bud and the flower…
All are like me…
They all sing, they all dance
It is among all the fun and frolic;
That they aspire to die.
They know no sorrow, neither tears
Nor do they ever try to tame the pain…

Flowers fall off smiling
Moonlight fades with a grin
And full of joy; do the stars
Immerse into the ocean of sky!

Who else is as happy as me?
Dearest friend come to me…
A joyous song of the happy heart
Through which, the soul merges with the one.

If you weep each day
Never will you meet the joy
Never will we forget the grief
And together will sing…

What is Emotion? What is Pain?
The Love, which you seemingly seek day and night,
O Companion! What is it that you call love?
Is it but only full of sufferings?
Is it but only tears of sorrow?
Is it nothing but ocean of grief?

*My attempt at translation of a wonderful song by Rabindranath Tagore.
Here is the original song

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